It is inevitable that every now and then, we find ourselves in conflict with those closest to us. Our buttons are pushed, we’re about to flip out, and we can’t seem to get through to the other person.
But conflict like this is a result of intimacy, and intimacy is a hallmark of love. If you believe this, then you can imagine that every difficult situation offers gold to extract, love to feel, and compassion to unearth. Love is our greatest teacher—but we have to listen to learn.
Consider these five ways to transform your next fight into a productive conversation with a positive resolution.
1. Listen. Listen deeply. Now listen even more deeply.
When we truly listen, we empty ourselves of judgment, reaction, the past, the future, right and wrong, and so on. The reactive mind may still run, but we aren’t buying into it. We drop into the present moment, listening with all our being, not listening to respond but simply listening to understand, thereby supporting the other in truly being heard.
When we do this, we give compassion and clarity room to guide us. Remember, just like us, our beloved’s perspective is shaped by their own chemistry and perspective. Only when we truly listen can we begin to hear what’s underneath the surface (like a desire to feel loved, accepted, and safe), understand where they are coming from, and move into healing unity instead of division.